Well... I've been working hard on planning the wedding... Jim is working hard just to help me with chores lately (3rd shift sucks), my mother is working hard to not devorce my father (despite how much she wants to), my brothers are working hard to not kill eachother living in the same small room together at 15 and 16... and right now... right now i'm working hard to not crush my head against the concreat or drown myself in my own blood. I get mad, because my fiancee whom i love more than anything in the world is upset... can't hold it in, and vent... next thing i know, i'm getting barbarded with the "how dare you"s... as if any of them even know me... i don't think i'm superior, quite the opposite, i think i'm unworthy of the wonderfull man i have... and of life in general. I have almost no friends because the ones i did have live out of state, and the one's in state are afraid of my violent tempered father. I can't eat because every time i do i end up throwing up from the sheer stress of this house... i can't sleep because i keep having nightmares about the night Morgan died (for those of you that may not know, Morgan is the name we chose for the baby that miscarried... i should be a Mommy of a 2 and a half month old baby right now) and right now that fact has sent any romantic life Jim and i had living in my parents house spiralling down the pipes. I have a couple of supportive friends online, but they are having some of their own problems and i can't call them right now... i mean, they would of course want to help (you know who you are, and i thank you) but i can't bring myself to burden them again. I can't talk to my mother because she is on the verge of a nervous brake down, i can't go for a drive because we don't even have enough gas money for the week, let alone money to pay our rent and bills... and i can't even hear a friends voice because i know that i'd brake down and loose it. Right now i just wish for one night where someone would come and take me out of this place... where i chould just be taken away for a little while... be anywhere but here...

at any rate, i hope this gives people a bit more of an insite into my not so sunny world... so many some of you out there so quick to shake a finger in my face at my behaviour at least understand it a bit better... from not on i'll not leave a comment unless it is only possitive... and i'll thank everyone else out there to do the same.


~~KyAnna~~